I am still grappling with what motivates people to amass fortunes, to lord themselves over others, and both. When I look at other animals for clues, it is not much help. The alpha wolves, silver-back gorillas, and that ilk seem to take on that role primarily for reproductive advantage for the group. It’s a DNA thing. We don’t see alpha wolves and silver-back gorillas doing power trips. It’s a sex (reproductive) thing.
Even though Trump alludes to grabbing women by their sex organs as a privilege that accrues to the rich and famous, it is not about sex or DNA advantage; it’s about power. Unlike other animals, there seems to be some ambiguity associated with power and sex. When the Myanmar soldiers raped many Rohingya girls and women, it wasn’t about sex; it was about power and abuse.
Returning to an earlier observation about sex being about pleasure, not love, rape hijacks pleasurable sex and replaces it with ugly abusive assault. Love does not factor into it at all. I believe the same is true for the executive who uses his/her status to take sexual advantage of an underling. It’s not love, or pleasure; it’s abuse.
When we think about ambition, the desire to “move up,” is it solely about having more money and being able to buy more luxuries? I don’t think so. Warren Buffett has tons of money but that does not seem to be what motivates him. I believe for him it’s something more intellectual. But I also believe that for many executives, it is power, not money, that drives them. As kids we realize that there are things we believe we want but cannot obtain because we cannot afford to buy them. If we had the money, we could buy them. We also realize that there are people in our lives whose approval and affirmation we seek. Perhaps having a lot of money, later, will turn disapproval into approval, but there’s no guarantee. For males, because of group influence, many of us look for group approval by having a relationship with someone that the group approves of – a pretty girl, for example. Pretty girls learn quickly that whether they are rich or poor, males will pursue them, and they can essentially say “sorry, you’re not for me.” Is it that rejection, early on, that becomes the obsession for people like Trump who want the power to grab women?
Growing up we all experience the group acceptance and rejection that goes along with interacting together. In America, acceptance and rejection are often largely dictated by appearance. We all know that pretty girls and handsome boys are more likely to be “popular” with the group than “plain” looking children. And, of course, the perception that someone is pretty or handsome is learned rather than internal. In some societies, obesity is a huge negative, for example, though it says nothing about a person’s heart and character. That distortion follows us into adulthood and beyond. We still seem to filter people, first, by how they “look.” And, because of the group’s prejudices, people who through no fault of their own are rejected may accept the group’s perception and see themselves as undeserving. Think eating disorders.
Think about how many world leaders have “movie-star” looks. How many executives are tall, dark and handsome? Most are not. And, they bring with them, along with their “successes” all the childhood baggage of disappointing group encounters. Is it any wonder that given the vestiges of power they try to even some of those scores?
There’s a part of me that wishes we were not as visual and appearance judgmental as we are. Before the Internet, when single people looked for venues where they could look each other over and decide to interact or not, I know I would reject someone who did not fit my model of acceptable appearance. I had a big problem with weight, for example, and would never, of my own volition, engage with an overweight female. Later, when after a second failed marriage I subscribed to Match.Com I was more apt to engage in written communications with someone, regardless of whether they had a photo or not, and even engage in verbal (e.g. phone) conversations before any first in-person encounter. I found, to my surprise, that I became quite enamored of people who I would have dismissed out-of-hand from across the room of a singles’ bar.
This has changed me, profoundly. I am much more open to engaging with people who I would have previously dismissed as someone to avoid. And, I have made great friends, both male and female, as a result.
Something else that has changed for me is that I no longer find myself evaluating whether I would enjoy the pleasure of sex with a woman prior to opening myself up to a friendly engagement. This has broadened my circle of friends in a very satisfying way.
Maybe it’s a consequence of my age but I find that I am not impressed by peoples’ professions or societal status but rather by their openness, kindness, and insight. I only wish I had been more like this when I was younger, but perhaps it takes the benefit of time before one sees.